The Following Is An Exerpt From The Friels' New Book Entitled THE SOUL OF ADULTHOOD: OPENING THE DOORS DISAPPOINTMENT Oft expectation fails, and most oft there
Where most it promises , and oft it hits
Where hope is coldest and despair most fits
William Shakespeare
All's Well that Ends Well, c.1602
Test 12-27-96 All's Well That Ends Well. (Perhaps) Etc....
It is not possible to move forward into adulthood without risk, and with risk comes failure, with failure comes disappointment, and with disappointment come clarity and depth. Life's truth tells us that disappointment happens because we care, so when something doesn't turn out the way we'd like, it is natural and sometimes good. If everything we attempted had to turn out perfectly the first time we tried, then the wondrous creations of our many civilizations would never have come to be. There would be no art, no religion, no technology, no medicine, no philosophy, no printing presses or books. If each person was allowed only one chance to fall in love and find the right life partner, perhaps five percent of us would do so. Our disappointment affirms that we are present, full of spirit, engaged in life, trying, wanting something, and that our inner self is speaking. It deepens us, and every once in awhile, it brings gifts of immeasurable joy.
THE MAN, THE WOMAN, AND THE SEA
We recall the story of the man and woman we know well who had been together for several years and were creating a deep and abiding love for one another. They had shared many a struggle and many a joy. The man told her how much fun he and his brother and sister had swimming in the ocean every summer, and how important water had become to him during his childhood. The woman shared with him her fear of water, and of how her father had not been a very good swimming teacher because of his impatience and gruffness. But swimming outdoors in cold clear lakes and thundering ocean surf had become so deeply embedded in the man's soul that he was secretly disappointed that the woman wasn't as excited as he was about it.
They discussed these things for several years but always came to the same frustrating conclusion. The woman did not like swimming and felt misunderstood and angry, and deep inside, the man felt betrayed by her reluctance. He kept trying to get her to change because he was convinced that their relationship would be ruined if she was never able to join him in the ocean as his brother and sister had.
One day when they were at the beach on a fairly calm day, the man tried every trick he could think of to talk the woman into going into the ocean with him. Finally, the woman agreed; and as they began to walk into the surf, a swell came out of nowhere and washed over them, forcing water into her breathing passages. When he saw the terror in her eyes, the man felt awful, and he vowed to himself and to her that he would never pressure her like that again. The woman saw the remorse in the man's eyes and heard the sincerity in his voice, and the shared instant of simultaneous vulnerabilty swept over them like a wave of healing light.
The next morning as he was swimming in the surf below their hotel room, he waved to her as she read the morning newspaper and sipped her coffee on the balcony, and she smiled and waved back. And then from nowhere and everywhere inside of him hundreds of disconnected pieces suddenly gathered and formed into an image of completion. He realized that when he was a child, all of that time spent in the boiling surf, or in the cool, dark, mystical water underneath the waves, was his way of soothing the fear and hurt that he frequently felt in his family, and that the secrets he shared with his brother and sister were not just about the ocean and its magical healing properties. As his mind eased back into the here and now, all of those disconnected fragments of pain and confusion wee transformed into a single, deep, focused feeling of peace. He realized that the pain of his childhood was behind him, and the beautiful mystery of his relationship with this woman did not demand retreat into a watery sanctuary. He no longer needed someone in the ocean with him to ease his pain. It was enough to swim by himself, and to simply love her. |
