Adventures of MN Sam & Abby Calendar of Workshops/Seminars 3.5-day ClearLife/Lifeworks Clinic Books Tapes Order Form Advice Other Sites Clearlife Homepage

TO PLACE AN ORDER, PRESS HERE Books by John and Linda Friel NEW FOR OCTOBER 2000!!      WHAT TEENS AND EXPERTS AND A COUPLE OF SCOTS ARE SAYING ABOUT IT... TEENS "The messages this book contains are so logically insightful that they seem like common sense.  I readily identified with the inspirational intelligence it has to offer."  Christopher Sheehy, 18, Dana Hills High School, California "The 7 Best Things (Smart) Teens Do is a clear, easy-to-read book which will help teenagers better understand themselves and help them relate to their parents."  Liz Chu, Roseville High School, Minnesota "Thank you for letting me read this wonderul book.  The 7 Best Things (Smart) Teens Do should be required reading for high school health class." Danny Suchy, 15, LaCrosse, Wisconsin, highest honor roll, varsity soccer and tennis, academic/athletic award recipient, Eagle Scout "This book is funny at times, but also very serious.  There is a great variety of stories and topics and a lot of great tips and advice.  It is a very good book, and I highly recommend it to all ages."  John Giese, 18, Mora, Minnesota and freshman at St. Olaf College "Drawing from many resources, this book successfully deals with the challenges every teenager faces and communicates a respectful understanding from an older generation." Laura Wonch, 18, Grand Rapids, Michigan EXPERTS "I wish this book had been available to me and my parents when I was a teen.  It's a treasure trove of psychological wisdom and guidance for today's teens and their parents.  I highly recommend it." ----William Doherty, Ph.D. Professor of Family Social Science, University of Minnesota, and author of "Take Back Your Kids: Confident Parenting in Turbulent Times (Sorin Books) "Finally--a teen's guide to happiness and success! Destined to be a classic, this book teaches the wisdom of maturity with a genuine respect for youth.  Required reading for teens, parents, and all of those who have been either." ----Pat Love, Ed.D., author of The Truth About Love "Few people question the fact that young people are challenges. However, many more would question the "Fact" that teenagers are challenges if they had the insights of Linda and John Friel.  This book is must reading for both teens and parents.  I especially liked the "competence traps" and the "tips" for teens." ----Jon Carlson, Ph.D., Ed.D., ABPP Host, Parenting With The Experts, Distinguished Professor at Governors State University TWO SCOTS "With hindsight, my adolescence was marred by the extremes that both teachers and parents projected onto us teenagers, causing self-doubt and rigidity. Pity that the Friels were not publishing books when I was that confused teenager. Great work; keep it up." Peter Charad - Bannockburn, Scotland. "This book helps explain why it was all so difficult and why it needn't have been. I wish every parent could read it for their children and themselves. Its a second chance for all of us who have missed out on completing that second stage, to get through it and start to grow up." Clare Trodden - Edinburgh, Scotland   *****************FROM 1999******************** "The 7 Worst Things (Good) Parents Do" Is Now On Audiotape! See Order Form! HOW TO AVOID.....       YOU WON’T LIKE EVERYTHING YOU READ HERE BUT  IF YOU HAVE KIDS, YOU’LL APPRECIATE IT  * Does your 5-year-old run your household?   Are your teens or young adults still babies?  *  When was the last time you and your mate went away, overnight, without the kids?  *  Do you think it’s great to be your child’s pal?  *  Have you deprived your child of the right to have inner structure and impulse control?   Does she have any  patience?  Is he respectful?  *  Are you too invested in the career your child chooses?  Do you expect your kids to become something they aren’t  supposed to become?  *  Are you and your kids overworked, over-scheduled, frazzled, sick, and tired?  *  Is there any time in your lives for you and your family to contemplate, reflect, and connect?   Do you find the  universe to be awe-inspiring, or can’t you be bothered by such a question?  *   Are you tripping over the ghosts of your own past when you try to raise your kids?

To read the Table Of Contents of each book, please continue to scroll down this page...

THE 7 BEST THINGS (SMART) TEENS DO  $12.95      300 pages approx.

Preface: In The Beginning.........................….........................................…………………...

Part I: The Agony And The Ecstasy, The Power And The Glory

1. The Parrot, The Appalachian Science Student, The Suburban Lawyer, The Media Rep, The Murderers And The Vandal, And The Grace In South Central LA

2. Thumb Your Nose At Gravity

3. The Cockapoo And The Labrador

Part II: The 7 Best Things

4. Become Competent: You Can’t Get Self Esteem From Talking To Yourself In Front Of The Mirror Or Being Smothered With Praise

5. Master Your Feelings: Don’t Let The Tail Wag The Dog

6. Break The Silence: It Takes So Much Energy To Silently Scream

7. Get Healthy Power: Learn To Respectfully Make Things Happen

8. Face The Serious Stuff: Some Things Are Too Big To Keep Buried

9. Find An Identity: From Accepting Without Question To Discovering Your Own Path

10. Start Learning To Stake Out The Extremes: It’s The Universal Skill

11. The Labrador And The Cockapoo

Part III: Some Tips

12. Becoming Competent

13. Mastering Feelings

14. Breaking The Silence

15. Getting Healthy Power

16. Facing The Serious Stuff

17. Finding An Identity

18. Staking Out The Extremes

Part IV: Bringing It All Back Home

19. And in The End…

THE SOUL OF ADULTHOOD: OPENING THE DOORS $9.95

This is the book that everyone has been waiting for. Whether you are an adult who is ready to move past the woundedness of childhood, or want to deepen your life by embracing its complexities, or a clinician who is wondering how to help move your clients from childhood to adult hood--this is the book for you. It is filled with therapeutic double-binds, marvelous challenges, and 15 years of personal and clinical insights into the process of deepening and strengthening the self--and the soul. It is the book designed to help create depth through simplicity.

PATTERNS

1. Life's Delicate Structures

THE DOORS TO ADULTHOOD

2. Extremes

3. Struggle

4. Resistance

5. The Unconscious

6. Entitlement

7. Disappointment

8. Self-Esteem Myths

9. The Dignity of Loneliness

10. Trade-Offs

11. Narcissism

12. Victimhood

13. Beyond Dysfunctional Roles

14. Victim to Adult

15. Love, Power and Graciousness

16. Releasing

17. Appreciation

18. Integrity, Honor, and Accountability

19. Tradition, Structure, and Discipline

20. Faith, Hope, and Spirituality

PAYOFFS

21. The Prices and the Payoffs of Adulthood

ADULT CHILDREN: THE SECRETS OF DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES $8.95

The original best-selling book that has been hailed as the clearest explanation of what works and what does not work in family systems and in growing up. With over 300,000 copies sold, this is the essential work for those who are seeking a clearer, fuller understanding of personal and family health and dysfunction. We have received hundreds of letters over the years from readers who have found hope, discovery, and healing as a result of reading this book.

1. Introduction

2. Two Stories

3. Who Are We? What Are Our Symptoms?

4. Some Hooks: Addictions In Particular

INTERLUDE

5. The Bear

FAMILY ROOTS

6. Family Systems: Structure, Function, Roles, Boundaries

7. The Traps Get Set

8. When Families Get Off Course

INTERLUDE

9. The Goose

WHAT HAPPENS TO ME?

10. The Denial

11. The Feelings

12. The Secrets

13. What Happens To Our Identity

14. Intimacy and Beyond

INTERLUDE

15. The Rabbit

BENEATH THE ICEBERG

16. A General Model of Adult Children and Co-dependency

RECOVERING: WHAT DO I DO NOW?

17. Uncovering and Admitting

18. Working a Program

19. A Word About Healing and Spirituality

POSTLUDE

20. Kiss Your Monster on the Nose

AN ADULT CHILD'S GUIDE TO WHAT'S "NORMAL" $9.95

This book is the practical, handy, infinitely readable guide to troubleshooting problems and struggles that face us all. Each chapter is 2-4 pages long, and each covers a common issue such as setting boundaries, taking care of self, identifying and responding well to shame, etc. It is the kind of book that you can flip through at your leisure, or pick up when faced with a knotty problem that is keeping you stuck. It is still one of the most popular self-help books on the market.

THE ROAD TO BEING FUNCTIONAL

1. Sixty-Five Characteristics of Adult-Children Becoming Functional

2. How To Use This Book

3. From Shame and Blame To Respect and Healthy Love

4. Caught In A Trap Or Living A Life

5. Basic Principles Of Functional Living

INTERLUDE

6. The Wisdom of the Bear

GETTING UNHOOKED

7. Where's the Manual For This Family?

(Overt and Covert Rules)

8. Unhooking Pointers

TAKING CARE OF THE ONE WHO'S IN CHARGE

9. Feelings (What Am I Feeling?)

10. Accept the Unexpected

11. When I'm Lonely

12. All Stressed Out With Nowhere To Go

13. This, Too, Shall Pass (When You're Having A Bad Day)

14. Play: Celebrating Our Spirit and Our Humaneness

15. On Rejection

16. Be Kind To Yourself

17. Journaling: Make It For You and Make It Safe

18. May God Hold You in the Palm of His Hand

YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK (SOMETIMES)

19. Perfectionism: The 20% Mess-up Factor and the Epitaph Test

20. When To Let Go and When To Fight

21. The Myth of Permanence

22. Lay Down and Die/Sue the Bastards

23. I Can Work This Out Myself

24. You Mean I Have Choices?

25. Just Because You Believe It Doesn't Make It Real

INTERLUDE

26. The Otters

BOUNDARIES: GETTING TRICKED, STAYING CLEAR

27. Re-Enactments: History Does Repeat Itself

28. Abused by an Eyebrow

29. Some Shaming Statements to Watch For

30. When People Say Inappropriate or Abusive Things To Me

31. Get an Answering Machine

32. Uninvited Guests

33. Combating the "Gotcha Syndrome" I: Why Didn't I See That One Coming?

34. Combating the "Gotcha Syndrome" II: I'll Think About It and Let You Know Tomorrow

35. Confronting Those Crazy Cons (Fool Me Once...)

36. Confronting Those Crazy Cons: What To Do or Say

WANTING LOVE BUT TIRED OF THE PAIN

37. Is Co-dependency Something New?

38. Caring Without Being Co-dependent

39. How Do I End This Relationship?

40. What Couples Fight About and How They Resolve It

41. Sex

42. Breaking Out Of the Owe/Pay Syndrome

43. What Is a Healthy Friendship I: It Takes All Kinds

44. What Is a Healthy Friendship II: Those Close Friendships

45. Ask For What You Need (They Aren't Mind Readers)

46. How Does This Relationship Feel?

47. The Error of Narcissism (They Don't Brag About Their Kids or Make You Watch slides of Their Vacation)

SOME FAMILY STUFF

48. If You Pity Your Parents, You Have Been Abused By Them

49. What Is a Functional Family?

50. From Holiday Horrors to Happy Holy Days

51. My Kids Don't Help Around the House

52. What to Expect From Your Teenagers

53. How Much Do I Tell My Kids?

54. When My Teenager is Going To Have a Baby

55. Those In-Laws!

56. What To Expect When Our Parents Grow Old

POSTLUDE

57. The Bear: Continued

MOVING ON INTO LIFE

58. There Is No Failure

THE GROWN-UP MAN: HEROES, HEALING, HONOR, HURT, HOPE $9.95

Based on 15 years of experience working with men and men's therapy groups, John Friel takes you on a journey that invites awareness, recognition of typical "male" problems, issues in relationships, what it means to be a grown-up man, and how to get there. Thousands of women have appreciated the insights that it brings to being with men in the world, as well. In a time when it is confusing for men and women to be in the world together, a book like this can be a priceless addition to one's library.

HOW WE HURT

1. Men On the Way To the 90's

2. Over-Mothered, Under-Fathered: The Betrayed Male Syndrome

3. Silly Things That Dysfunctional Men Do

FATHERS AND HEROES

4. Some Things I Learned From My Dad

5. Heroes

6. What Are Dads Good For

AND GOD MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE

7. Who's Better: Men or Women?

8. Males and Females Together

9. Female Dependency: From Offender-Little Boys to Real Men

10. Once Upon a Time

HOPE, HEALING AND HONOR

A11. Healing Our Father Wound

 12. Men in Recovery/Men in Group

 13. Noticing and Listening

14. Be a Man of Integrity and Honor

15. In Search of a True Human Being

AFTER ALL IS SAID AND DONE

16. Take Some Little Risks

RESCUING YOUR SPIRIT: WHEN THIRD-GRADE MORALITY ISN+T ENOUGH FOR CHRISTIANS $9.95

After working for years with people whose spirits had been damaged by childhood abuse or neglect, as well as by rigidly-practiced religions, John Friel wrote this book to give people an alternative to tossing out their religious beliefs along with the wounds from the past. It is a celebration of all that is good about religion and spirituality, as well as an explanation of what can go wrong if religion is practiced in a distorted way.

1. My First Encounter With Christian Hatred

2. The Heights of Spirit

3. In the Beginning

4. Hell on Earth: How Our Spirits Get Damaged

5. If Jesus Christ Had Wanted Us To Think, He Would Have Spoken To Us In Parables

6. Daddy, What's a Myth?

7. Beliefs, Re-enactments, and -The Vow+

8. Are Our Bodies Evil?

9. Sex, Sexual Abuse, and Christianity

10. The Pharisees and Hypocrites: Shame, Fear, Prejudice, and Ignorance

11. Sin, Accountability, and Forgiveness

12. Embracing the Many Faces of Prayer

13. Dare To Be a Christian With Your Mind, Heart, and Feet

14. To Think and Hope